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In this episode, we appreciate the intelligent way of communicating a refusal, as portrayed in Sangam Literary work, Natrinai 223, penned by Ulochanaar. The verse is set in the ‘Neythal’ landscape or coastal regions and speaks in the voice of the confidante to the man, bidding him to give up his tryst by day and concealing a hidden message within.
இவள்தன், காமம் பெருமையின், காலை என்னாள்; நின்
அன்பு பெரிது உடைமையின், அளித்தல் வேண்டி,
பகலும் வருதி, பல் பூங் கானல்;
இன்னீர்ஆகலோ இனிதால் எனின், இவள்
அலரின் அருங் கடிப் படுகுவள்; அதனால்
எல்லி வம்மோ!-மெல்லம் புலம்ப!
சுறவினம் கலித்த நிறை இரும் பரப்பின்
துறையினும் துஞ்சாக் கண்ணர்
பெண்டிரும் உடைத்து, இவ் அம்பல் ஊரே.
A light and breezy verse that is accessible even after two thousand years! This begins with the words ‘காமம் பெருமையின்’ and upon seeing ‘பெருமை’, a native speaker may conclude that it means ‘pride’ but in this instance, the word talks about the ‘excessiveness of love’. The phrase ‘அலரின் அருங் கடிப் படுகுவள்’ conveys a warning that ‘she will be placed under guard as slander spreads’. Then, comes ‘எல்லி வம்மோ’ which means ‘come at night’, a seeming invitation for a tryst by night. We then turn our attention to ‘துஞ்சாக் கண்ணர் பெண்டிரும்’ meaning ‘women who sleep not’. The verse ends with ‘இவ் அம்பல் ஊரே’ meaning ‘this loud and uproarious town’. Let’s leave our boats and step into this city that never sleeps!
The man and lady had been in a love relationship and the man seems intent only on enjoying his trysts by day with the lady. Intending to urge the man into a formal union, one day, the confidante says to him, “Owing to her excessive love for you, she doesn’t even consider that it’s day. As you are filled with kindness, to grace her, you come by to this many-flowered orchard even during the day. That you do this, is a sweet thing indeed. Still, that will cause slander to spread which will confine her to the house. So, why don’t you come by at night, O lord of the gentle shores? But know that, on the shore of this vast and dark spread of the ocean filled with sharks, women with sleepless eyes do live, in this uproarious town!” With these words, the confidante conveys to the man the dangers of trysts by day and by night, and thereby, points out the only course of action is to seek the lady’s hand in marriage.
Now, for the nuances in this little verse! The confidante first establishes the great love that throbs in the heart of the lady by saying that because of this, the lady seems not to consider that its broad daylight. She adds that the lord yielding to her requests, continues to give happiness to the lady and comes to visit her in the orchard by the sea during the day. Note how the confidante turns the blame on the lady rather than directly accusing the man of being interested only in his trysts. The confidante thus illustrates for us the first step in intelligent communication, which is to avoid blaming the person with whom you are addressing a concern. Then, she adds that this is a sweet and blessed thing indeed but, at the same time, she points out that the consequence of this would be the spread of rumours around town and hearing which, the lady would be confined to the house by her parents. So, she offers him an alternative telling him that perhaps, he should tryst with her by night. Here, she presents the second step for a compelling persuasion, which is presenting alternatives rather than an outright refusal alone.
After teasing the man with changing the time of his tryst to night, the confidante delivers the final shot. She brings to the man’s attention that on the shores of that dark sea filled with sharks, in their noisy, gossiping town, live women who never seem to sleep! Within this, the confidante places the metaphor that in the lady’s house by night, armed guards roam the place akin to those sharks and that the lady’s mother will remain awake, causing hindrance to those nightly trysts too. Thus, the confidante shuts the last door and points to the man, the road to his happiness lies in his formal union with the lady. The social dynamics of those times has prevented the confidante from giving a straight ‘no’ to the man, thereby gifting us, their descendants, with the manual of effective communication in refusing someone something!
கில்லாடி தோழி 😀😍