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In this episode, we perceive the torment in a lady’s heart, as depicted in Sangam Literary work, Kurunthogai 102, penned by Avvaiyaar. The verse is situated in the coastal regions of ‘Neythal’ and speaks in the voice of the lady to her confidante, explaining her state of mind, as the man continues to stay away.
உள்ளின், உள்ளம் வேமே; உள்ளாது
இருப்பின், எம் அளவைத்து அன்றே; வருத்தி
வான் தோய்வற்றே, காமம்;
சான்றோர் அல்லர், யாம் மரீஇயோரே.
An illustration of ‘torturing thoughts’ at the heart of this verse! In the opening words ‘உள்ளின் உள்ளம் வேமே’, which means, ‘If I think, my mind burns’, the imagery of scorching thoughts can be sensed. ‘எம் அளவைத்து அன்றே’ meaning ‘it’s not within my control’ ventures into the abstraction of one’s limits. Something ‘rising to the skies’ can be glimpsed in ‘வான் தோய்வற்றே’. Ending with the words ‘சான்றோர் அல்லர் யாம் மரீஇயோரே’ meaning ‘not a great man, the one I embraced’, the verse welcomes us to understand the tale within.
Burning thoughts that soar to the skies! The context reveals that the man and lady had been leading a love relationship when the man parted with the lady to go on a mission. When the man is long delayed beyond the time of his promised return, the confidante worries about the lady. To her friend, the lady says, “If I think about it, my heart burns; If I should be without thinking about it, it’s something beyond my abilities; This affliction of love pining, tormenting me, has risen up to the skies; The one I embraced is not a noble man!” With these words, the lady conveys her impossible state of mind that gives her no peace.
A tiny verse that conveys a difficult state of mind! The lady first talks about what happens to her the moment thoughts cross her mind. She explains that when that happens, her heart starts burning. If she tries to move towards the opposite state of not thinking about it, she finds out that she’s unable to make that happen. It’s simply beyond my control, the lady declares. She talks about how these flames of pining are soaring to the skies and concludes that the man, who stays away without caring about her state, cannot be a great and noble man!
Let us focus on one particular nuance about difficult thoughts that this verse presents. When we are anguished about certain thoughts, some people with good intentions may advise us not to think those thoughts. However, when one tries to implement this advice, they would find that deciding to not think is self-contradictory because to not think, one has to think! That’s what the lady states as her own experience in this ancient verse. Her pain makes her conclude that the man is not a good person but we should understand that this is simply the projection of her pained mind. What if the man were to come before her and give her a clear explanation for his absence? Then, this conclusion would surely be null and void in her mind. With wisdom, the verse seems to say to us, ‘Just be with your thoughts. Acknowledge them for whatever they may be’. In that acceptance of oneself, one can be saved and one can learn to wait with patience for time to reveal the truth of our own thoughts!
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