Kurunthogai 135 – That which is life to women and men

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வினையே ஆடவர்க்கு உயிரே; வாள் நுதல்
மனை உறை மகளிர்க்கு ஆடவர் உயிர் என,
நமக்கு உரைத்தோரும் தாமே,
அழாஅல்-தோழி!-அழுங்குவர் செலவே.

‘He will not part with you’ is the message at the core of this verse! The opening words ‘வினையே ஆடவர்க்கு உயிரே’ meaning ‘to a man, work is life’ highlights the importance accorded to earning a living in a man’s life in the Sangam era. When men are being talked about, can women be far behind? As expected, we see ‘மகளிர்க்கு ஆடவர் உயிர்’, which means, ‘to a woman, her husband is life’. The phrase ‘நமக்கு உரைத்தோரும் தாமே’ meaning ‘he was the one who said that to us’ clarify who has spoken the previous words. Ending with ‘அழுங்குவர் செலவே’ meaning ‘he will avoid his travelling’, the verse ends on a note of consolation to the lady.

What matters to the genders, the verse seems to say! The context reveals that the man and lady were leading a happy married life when the lady felt that the man was making preparations to part away on some mission. She confides her worry about his parting to her confidante. To the lady, the confidante says, “Duty is like life to a man; But, to a woman with a radiant forehead, one who lives within the confines of a home, her man is like life. He was the one who said these words. Cry not, my friend, he will abstain from parting away.” With these words, the confidante is allaying the anxiety of her friend and assuring her that the man will not leave the lady just then.

A simple song that I was instantly able to understand, even without the aid of many explanatory texts. The confidante starts by repeating the words of the man to the lady. He seemed to have expressed that indeed, fulfilling their duty of earning wealth and doing their work was the most important thing in a man’s life, whereas for the woman, who graces her household, her man was the most important thing. Saying that it was the man himself who had said those words to the lady, the confidante concludes that the man’s belief can be taken as proof that he would not part with the lady and bring angst to her and thereby, gently tells her friend to wipe her tears.

I had mentioned earlier that I was able to understand the words of this verse with ease but accepting the thoughts depicted here eludes me. A verse penned by a man about a man’s thoughts on his importance in his woman’s life! When seeing with modern eyes, these words are condescending and speak of the rise of male domination. But, we need to see from the eyes of the society that lived then. At the same time, we have read the works of female poets from this era. So, they seem to have had their freedom to shine in this world but then, why is it, in so many poems, a woman was considered to belong within the confines of a home? In ancient societies, at a time before the concept of a home, when people lived a nomadic hunter-gatherer life, this sort of gender dichotomy would not have been possible. In those societies, men and women must have had to perform in equally important roles. So, it was only with settling down, agriculture, and owning of a home that a woman became a home-dweller and dependant on a man. Comforts came but with that chains too, especially for a woman. 

Although in most modern societies, men and women now have individual careers, this indoctrination that a woman’s role is at home seems to rankle within, in varying degrees in various places of the world. Every man and woman must open their eyes to the injustice of this indoctrination and remain alert to its unconscious conditioning in their own lives. And, verses like this, although they come from the opposite paradigm, help us face with clarity and conviction, the continuing remnants of this flawed theory of male superiority.