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In this episode, we perceive acceptance in the midst of conflict, as depicted in Sangam Literary work, Kurunthogai 252, penned by Kidangil Kulapathi Nakkannanaar. The verse is situated in the hills of ‘Kurinji’ and speaks in the voice of the lady to the confidante, in response to a question about the lady’s welcome on the man’s return.
நெடிய திரண்ட தோள் வளை ஞெகிழ்த்த
கொடியன் ஆகிய குன்று கெழு நாடன்
வருவதோர் காலை, இன் முகம் திரியாது,
கடவுட் கற்பின் அவன் எதிர் பேணி,
”மடவை மன்ற நீ” எனக் கடவுபு
துனியல் வாழி-தோழி!-சான்றோர்
புகழும் முன்னர் நாணுப;
பழி யாங்கு ஒல்பவோ காணுங்காலே?
‘Understanding who he is’ is the core thought in this verse. In the opening words ‘நெடிய திரண்ட தோள் வளை ஞெகிழ்த்த’ meaning ‘the one who caused bangles on the long and thick arms to slip and fall’, we see an instance of pining in a Sangam woman. ‘குன்று கெழு நாடன்’ is a phrasal portrait of the ‘man from the mountains’. The phrase ‘இன் முகம் திரியாது’ meaning ‘the pleasant face unchanging’ seems to hint that there is an expectation that the said face should have changed in anger. In ‘மடவை மன்ற நீ’ meaning ‘foolish indeed, you are’, we see judgment passed about the behaviour of another. Ending with the words ‘பழி யாங்கு ஒல்பவோ காணுங்காலே’ meaning ‘how can they bear words of blame aimed at them’, the verse intrigues our curiosity.
Abstractions abound in this verse about actions and reactions. The context reveals that the man and lady were leading a married life when the man took to keeping the company of courtesans. One day, after the man returns from the courtesan’s house, the lady turns to her confidante and says, “‘When the cruel one, who made bangles on those long and fleshy arms loosen, that lord of the mountains arrived one morning, with no change in your sweet face, with chastity akin to godliness, you welcomed him. You are foolish indeed!’ You say these words to me, my friend. Worry not, may you live long. Even if you are about to praise the noble, they would feel shame. How can they bear it, if they are confronted with blame?” With these words, the lady explains to her friend the reason why she accepted the man without any censure on his return from the courtesan’s house.
Time to explore the nuances. The lady starts by projecting the point of view of her confidante, who understandably is angry and frustrated at the lady’s actions. This good friend of the lady asks her why on earth the lady welcomed the man with no change in her calm countenance, when that man, the one who had made the lady pine and relinquish her health, returned from the courtesan’s house. Accusing her friend to be foolish, the confidante seems to have nodded in disbelief at how the lady could accept the man without any questions. Hearing these words, the lady turns with affection to her scolding friend and asks her to fret not. Then, in an abstract fashion, the lady says that even if someone were praising them, the noble would feel an attack of modesty of shame. So, how can you expect them to bear words of anger and censure, the lady questions.
In that abstraction about the noble, the lady is, in fact, referring to her own husband. She considers the man to be a learned and great person, in spite of his mistakes. And so, she has accepted him without censure, she informs her friend. Indeed, beyond shouting and blaming, there are other ways of reforming an erring person, and perhaps, the lady chooses to walk that way. However, if she is simply deferring to his position as the leader of their household, and discounting his faults, then it wouldn’t turn up right in the end for her and her man. Let’s hope that the lady has made the right decision for her happy life. In a tangential perspective, the verse seems to throw the spotlight on how we have the power to change our usual reactions when confronted with conflicting situations and through that, see a new path open up!
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