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In this episode, we listen to a sharp response to words of advice, as portrayed in Sangam Literary work, Kurunthogai 398, penned by Paalai Paadiya Perungkadungko. The verse is situated in the drylands of ‘Paalai’ and speaks in the voice of the lady to the confidante, as the man remains parted away.
தேற்றாம் அன்றே-தோழி! தண்ணெனத்
தூற்றும் திவலைத் துயர் கூர் காலை,
கயல் ஏர் உண்கண் கனங் குழை மகளிர்
கையுறை ஆக நெய் பெய்து மாட்டிய
சுடர் துயர் எடுப்பும் புன்கண் மாலை,
அரும் பெறற் காதலர் வந்தென, விருந்து அயர்பு,
மெய்ம் மலி உவகையின் எழுதரு
கண் கலிழ் உகுபனி அரக்குவோரே.
‘No one to wipe my tears’ is the lament herein. The opening words ‘தேற்றாம் அன்றே’ meaning ‘nowhere to be found indeed’ echoes this core theme. In ‘தண்ணெனத் தூற்றும் திவலை’ meaning ‘the drizzle that spreads coolness and moisture’, we infer that it’s the rainy season being spoken of. The phrases ‘கயல் ஏர் உண்கண்’ meaning ‘kohl-adorned eyes, shaped like a fish’ and ‘கனங் குழை மகளிர்’ meaning ‘women wearing chunky earrings’, the inborn and manufactured beauty of these women are brought out. ‘கையுறை ஆக நெய் பெய்து மாட்டிய சுடர்’ meaning ‘a flame that glows atop the oil, poured by a maiden’s hand’ and ‘சுடர் துயர் எடுப்பும் புன்கண் மாலை’ meaning ‘the flame fuels the sorrow of the angst-filled evening’ together highlight the practice of maiden lighting lamps during dusk. In contrast to all this sorrow and angst appears the phrase ‘மெய்ம் மலி உவகை’ meaning ‘a joy that spreads through the whole body’. Ending with the words ‘கண் கலிழ் உகுபனி அரக்குவோரே’ meaning ‘those who can wipe the tears that shed from the eyes’, the verse welcomes us to listen with empathy.
Sorrow and helplessness seem to brim over in this verse. The context reveals that the man and lady were leading a happy, married life when the man parted with her to go in search of wealth. The lady languishes in his absence. At this time, the confidante talks about other women who seem to bear well with their husband’s parting and advises the lady that it was the lady’s natural duty to bear with this separation. To the confidante, the lady says, “I can’t find them, my friend! In this sorrow-filled season, when rain drops spread coolness, maiden with kohl-rimmed eyes, shaped like fish – women, who wear heavy earrings, use their hands as the scoop to pour oil and light a lamp, whose flame stokes sadness in the suffering-filled evening. At this hour, because my treasured lover has returned, I serve him a feast and feel the thrill of this joy all through me, which makes my eyes well up and I shed drops of tears. To wipe my joyous tears at that moment, I can’t seem to find anyone!” With these words, the lady indirectly tells the confidante that words of advice seemed to come easily from the friend’s mouth but she seem not to be doing anything to resolve the lady’s angst.
Words that would make the confidante say, “Ouch! That burns!’. Let us explore the lady’s response to understand it better. She starts by saying that she can’t find a person. Without immediately elaborating who that is, the lady moves on to mention how there’s a constant drizzle spreading moisture and melancholy, talking about the rainy season. From the time of the year, she moves on to talk about the time of the day, which is again, a sorrowful evening, when maiden light up those evening lamps at their home, with their own hand as the ladle to pour the oil. It’s not just light that spreads from the lamp but also the feeling of loneliness, the lady says. From these scenes soaking in sorrow, she transitions to one of ecstatic joy for her, where she sees the man back from his travels, and she is serving him a feast. As she does that, a scintillating feeling of joy streaks through her and nudges the tears that had welled up in her eyes to jump down. Now, she reveals whom she meant when she said initially that she’s not able to find a person. She was talking about the one who will wipe those joyous tears from her eyes!
A realistic projection of the future the lady dreams of! The lady is able to acutely visualise how the world on the outside will look and how the world inside her would feel. What she means is the confidante should be taking steps to make this dream come true. Instead, she was simply going on about other maiden bearing well with their husbands’ travels. What the confidante should understand is that it was natural to feel the pain when separated from one’s beloved, the lady implies. The verse focuses on the delicate nature of giving advice that is relevant even today. When we see a person in sorrow, we often jump in to give our own perspectives, and though said with good intentions, this may hurt rather than help the person in question. Rather, the simple and right course of action is to fully be there, listen to them, and let them find their own way, out of the maze of worry they find themselves in!
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