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In this episode, we perceive a lady’s state of mind in a moment of domestic crisis, as depicted in Sangam Literary work, Kurunthogai 208, penned by Kabilar. Set in the mountains of ‘Kurinji’, the verse speaks in the voice of the lady to the confidante, in response to the friend’s words that the lady must bear with the man’s parting.
ஒன்றேன் அல்லேன்; ஒன்றுவென்; குன்றத்துப்
பொருகளிறு மிதித்த நெரிதாள் வேங்கை
குறவர் மகளிர் கூந்தற் பெய்ம்மார்,
நின்று கொய மலரும் நாடனொடு
ஒன்றேன்-தோழி!-ஒன்றினானே.
The verse voices out a curious theme of ‘agreeing but disagreeing’! In the opening words ‘ஒன்றேன் அல்லேன் ஒன்றுவென்’ meaning ‘it’s not that I am not in accord; I’m in accord’, we find the ‘agreeing’ part of the core theme. Following these abstractions, we meet with the quintessential elements of the mountains in ‘பொருகளிறு’ meaning ‘fighting elephant’ and ‘நெரிதாள் வேங்கை’ meaning ‘Indian Kino tree, with a bent trunk’. Ending with the words ‘ஒன்றேன் தோழி ஒன்றினானே’ meaning ‘I’m not in accord because of a single thing’, the verse welcomes us to understand further.
Between a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’, there’s a gap of an angry mountain elephant! The context reveals that the man and lady had been leading a love relationship when the man parted away from the lady to gather wealth for their wedding. Although the man’s reasons for parting were sound, the lady couldn’t help languishing during this period. Noticing this, the confidante gently tells the lady that she must bear better with the man’s parting. To her confidante, the lady replies, “It’s not that I’m not of the same mind; I am indeed of the same mind; As the fighting mountain elephant stamped on it, the ‘vengai’ tree trunk has become crushed and bent so that mountain maiden can stand below and pluck its flowers to adorn their tresses, in the land of the lord. With him, I am not of the same mind because of one thing!” With these words, the lady explains that she totally understands the man in all aspects, except one, where she finds herself in disagreement.
What could be that one bone of contention between these two loving people? Let’s listen to the lady’s words to find out. The lady starts by clarifying, unlike what the confidante thinks, she was not at odds with the man. She was perfectly one with his purpose and intentions. After making that statement, she moves on to a description of the man’s land, where she says because a mad elephant took out its rage on a ‘vengai’ tree, the tree’s trunk became bent and now, the mountain girls could pick those low-hanging flowers without even climbing atop the tree. The lady concludes by saying that with the man from such a land, she is at odds because of one particular reason.
How are we to understand that cryptic statement? Scholars tell us that one reason is the approach of strangers seeking the lady’s hand. That could be the only crucial thing that disturbs the lady and brings discord with the man. The image of the bent tree with low-lying flowers holds within a metaphor detailing this thought. Akin to the elephant stamping on the tree, the man’s parting had affected the lady and the changes in her, became visible to her family, akin to those low-lying flowers. Thinking that these are changes in the lady because of her physical maturity, the lady’s family have decided that it’s time for marriage, and thereby they have started accepting proposals from strangers, who have come to the lady’s family, like the mountain maiden plucking flowers from below, without breaking a sweat! In a scene from the outside world, the lady intricately stitches the dynamics of relationships as seen by her inner world. While that may be so, what draws my attention is how the verse seems to give a sanction of being in complete agreement with a person and yet disagreeing on some specific issue. In any set-up, be it a business meeting or a couple’s conversation, if we can ‘agree to disagree’, then the field of possibilities would widen, and pave the path for better understanding.
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