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In this episode, we observe a counter-intuitive method of offering consolation, as depicted in Sangam Literary work, Kurunthogai 381, penned by an anonymous poet. Set in the coastal regions of ‘Neythal’, the verse speaks in the voice of the confidante to the lady, speaking in a disparaging tone about the lady’s relationship with the man.
தொல்கவின் தொலைந்து தோள் நலம் சாஅய்
அல்லல் நெஞ்சமோடு அல்கலும் துஞ்சாது
பசலை ஆகி விளிவது கொல்லோ,
வெண்குருகு நரலும் தண் கமழ் கானல்
பூ மலி பொதும்பர் நாள் மலர் மயக்கி
விலங்கு திரை உடைதரும் துறைவனொடு
இலங்கு எயிறு தோன்ற நக்கதன் பயனே?
‘Is this to be the use?’ is the sharp question herein. The opening words ‘தொல்கவின் தொலைந்து’ meaning ‘losing the beauty one had for long’ clearly indicates that pining has raised its head. As predicted, we see ‘தோள் நலம் சாஅய்’ ‘wasting arms’, ‘அல்கலும் துஞ்சாது’ ‘sleepless all day’, and ‘பசலை ஆகி விளிவது’ ‘ruined by the spread of pallor’ – all classic symptoms of the affliction of separation in a Sangam lady. From abstract emotions, the verse turns to the real in ‘வெண்குருகு நரலும்’ meaning ‘sounds of white sea birds’ and ‘விலங்கு திரை உடைதரும்’ meaning ‘glowing waves break on the shore’. Ending with the words ‘இலங்கு எயிறு தோன்ற நக்கதன் பயனே’ meaning ‘the consequence of that smile, with shining teeth showing’, the verse intrigues our curiosity.
Why would anyone contemplate on the consequence of a smile? Curious indeed! The context reveals that the man and lady were leading a love relationship when the man parted away to gather wealth for their wedding. At this time, the lady languished and seeing the changes in her friend, the confidante says to the lady, “To lose old beauty, to have arms waste away, to be sleepless day and night with a suffering-filled heart, and to have pallor spread all over and be ruined – Is this to be the only result of smiling, with radiant teeth flashing, along with the man from the coast. The one, in whose domain, white seabirds cry out in the moist and fragrant groves, and where, startling the just blooming flowers of the day, shining waves dash against the shore!” With these words, the confidante seemingly scolds the man for leaving the lady to suffer in their relationship.
Hasn’t the man gone only to gain wealth and make the lady happy? Doesn’t the confidante know this? Why these words of anger then, when the lady is already in distress? To understand, let’s follow her words closely. The confidante lists all the terrible effects of pining in the lady, such as losing her renowned beauty, thinning down of her arms, having an aching heart, not sleeping all night and having pallor spread all over. After listing these unwanted symptoms, she asks a simple question to the lady as to whether these effects are the only use of having laughed in the company of the man, in whose shores, calls of white sea birds are heard, and amidst the sweet-smelling groves, even new-born flowers are shaken up by the roaring, radiant waves of the sea.
When the confidante is talking about the lady smiling and laughing with the man, all her teeth showing, she’s painting a graphic picture of the happy times the lady has shared with the man. Along with that glowing glimpse, she packages some harsh words for the man asking whether only distress is to come because of his relationship with the lady. This is the arrow she aims at the lady’s heart and what she expects from her friend is an indignant defence of the man. The lady would wipe away her tears and tell her friend, ‘Of course not, my symptoms are only temporary. The real consequence of smiling and relishing his company is a happy, married life with him’. Instead of telling this truth, the confidante lets the lady find it for herself. An intricate lesson for all of us wanting to help a beloved who is suffering. Like this wise confidante shows us how, rather than telling someone close what to do, just stir them enough to make them find their own way out of the maze of their emotions!
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